‘My name is Taylor and I was born in 1989.’’
The thought of hearing those words in a few days makes me want to cry. Finally seeing Taylor Swift live after being there, yes since she had a curling iron and fake country accent. And yes as a grown-ass woman, I’m going to cry.
Hi it’s me, I’m the problem its me
Swifties are aware we’re ridiculous. Really, we are. But also, when we were younger, crying a boyband was acceptable, but not so much at the young woman we admired. Still too it’s (relatively) acceptable for grown women to go and scream at their teenage idols (think women screaming at Marti Pellow or similar), but if grown women want to cry at the little blonde lady they’ve loved since they were kids…we’re weird.
There’s a much deeper dive to be done on this; some I believe even happening in Liverpool at the academic conference on Taylor happening while she’s there in concert. But as a Queer woman, I personally find it fascinating, that lust (for say Harry Styles, whose concert I adored also) is perfectly acceptable, but excitement for female artists by female fans is still frowned on (or men who do not wish to sleep with her). Again that’s a deeper dive that others will do better than I will. But here’s why I love Taylor.
I don’t dress for women…I don’t dress for men…
There’s something refreshing about Taylor’s fashion sense. It’s both high fashion and…not. She has style pardon the pun, but it’s not ‘on trend’.
In fact what she does, is play dress up. Era by era she has a theme, a style, that she dresses to in public. It’s a persona, for each album, era and her style has evolved yes, but also she plays dress up within it. It’s fun, it’s playful, it’s ever changing and we love that about her.
But it’s also not sexualised, it’s not about getting a guy. It’s sexual sometimes, hot (she is after all an incredibly attractive woman). But it’s not that kind of sexy. It’s female gaze hot. Because that’s what so much of Taylor is about; female gaze. There’s nothing wrong with the performers who do choose to embrace the sexual, sexualised or male gaze. But there’s something for me about Taylor dressing for the female fans (and herself) first. For someone too who has never embraced that kind of male-gaze dressing, for a matter of various personal preferences, having a popular music artist who does the same feels… refreshing.
There’s much too about Taylor’s ‘Eras’ and multiple personalities that appeal to my neurospicy personality. That idea of being a chameleon in your own life. Changing your identity at will, changing who you present to the world for fun or necessity…connects on a deeper level than just clothes.
She didn’t ever just sing about men.
Shocker for any tabloid who wants to only write about her relationships. But Taylor’s songs have always been about so much more than men. They started off about being a young woman navigating life.
I’m a mastermind…
We’d be remiss not to talk about the full time clowning that goes into being a Swiftie. And while we’re known for extremes of deduction people often forget…we do it for fun. Nobody is saying it’s that deep what the clues to Taylor’s new album mean…in a world thats difficult, harsh and serious what’s a bit of fun trying to deduce some hidden clues?
And it’s a mutual game, one that Taylor started because she enjoys it and carried on because fans do too. Way back on her first album she hid clues in the album sleeves, for fans to deduce. And while the game has gotten bigger, more elaborate, with more players, for us the fun remains. There’s been a real sense of excitement these past few years with the re-recordings and tour around anticipation, excitement and something fun to focus on. What does it matter if decoding outfit clues and dates seems silly or extreme, if it gives some people something fun to do with part of their day who is that hurting?
It remains too a connection between Taylor and her fans. She was back in the day known for spending a great deal of time at meet and greets or inviting hardcore fans to her house for listening parites and the like. She’s gotten too big for that to happen any more, but the games, the clues, the figuring it out, feels still like a close dialogue with her. And it feels like her saying she still sees that connection too. Plus…it’s fun.
It’s a love story…
While Taylor isn’t just about relationship songs (no really, she isn’t). She does also write the perfect, hopeful fantasy of a love song…and isn’t that something pure and nice to hold onto? From ‘Love Story’ to ‘Enchanted’ to ‘So High School’ she’s written an array of ‘wedding songs’ or ‘Our Song’ (s) for people either with someone to feel is their own. Or for others to hope for. There’s a love song for every occasion, too, from being Enchante to meet someone, to watching it Begin Again right through to endgame or maybe finding that alchemy.
Black Dog
Of course for every love song there’s a flip side, and nobody does that flipside like Taylor. Not least in The Tortured Poets Department. But also since that masterpiece of ‘diss songs’ (as one singer called them…) we should also remember the ultimate in heartbreak anthems that preceded it; All Too Well Ten Minute Version. The song Swifties waited for over a decade for, and did not disappoint in the ability to scream-cry at the ex who wronged you. We’ve all known a notorious scarf-thief and screaming ‘And you call me up again just to break me like a promise’ is a truly healing expereince.
And in The Tortured Poets Department Taylor delivered what may be her masterpiece of pain filled break up songs. A moment for Black Dog, which regradless of the song itself did the unthinkable genius revenge move of RUINING THE BRITISH MAN’S LOCAL. No seriously do you understand what it is to ruin a bloke’s local for him, this is *chefs kiss* level revenge. But elsewhere, she gives us the searing pain of having to leave a place you loved because of a love you lost (So Long London), or the rage-filled searing pain of the man who did you so wrong.
The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived
Isn’t even really about a man, or a man you loved necessarily. And like many of Taylor’s songs it’s about being wronged by men as a group. Personally and equally often, professionally. You don’t have to have had a Jake or a Matty, or a Joe to viscerally feel how wronged this woman has been by men. You don’t have to even have lost a great love to feel it in your soul, any woman who has existed in a world of men feels deep inside ‘Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead’.
Cassandra
Because we’re Cassandra. We’re female rage. When I first heard Cassandra on TTPD I could hear Taylor fro the Long Pond sessions saying ‘it’s female rage’ so much of that album is deep seated, I’m in my mid 30s fuck this nonsense female rage. And that’s where Taylor has got to over the past few years, and those of us who grew up with her got there with her. We got to Cassandra with her.
Because non-Swifties will tell you ‘she just sings about boys’ because they think that’s all she along with a lot of other female artists are. But what Swifties know is she sings, she tells stories about existing as a woman in this world. Stories feel all feel in our souls.
You’re on your own kid…
Taylor is also the singer for the kids who were on their own. She’s the girl for all the girls who searched parties to see their dreams aren’t rare, who gave their blood sweat and tears for all of it who never got to belong…but for their Taylor Swift concert they’re getting to make the friendship bracelets at last…
Taylor might be ‘vanilla’ and ‘mainstream’ but she’s the voice of the outsiders too. The ones who are constantly dragged down like she is and pick themselves up again. She’s the woman for the girls who didn’t have a group of friends in high school.
It’s been a long time coming…
‘Tim McGraw’ was my first Taylor song. That’s not to flex my Swiftie credentials (Swifties don’t gatekeep). But to say I’m old and a little bit country. And yes I was there when our girl had a curling iron, a guitar, a fake country accent and a dream. And I’ve been there to varying degrees for all of it.
But the Eras Tour will be my first Taylor concert. Why? Partly the reason people don’t like her, partly the reason we do; because I never thought I was cool enough for Taylor concerts/didn’t think it was the done thing for people like me. But actually, the thing we’ve learned in recent Taylor Eras, is, she’s for everyone. It brings me such joy to see multiple generations enjoying her shows. And when she sang Long Live (RIP) and said, ‘If you have children some day’ the fact that many of the original Swifties now have children to bring to the show…is a beautiful thing.
It’s also the show for all the ‘you’re on your own kid’ girlies (and guys, and nonbinary pals). I didn’t go to pop concerts as a teenafter. It wasn’t the kind of place for girl like me. And I didn’t have friends to go to concerts with. That Taylor gives me, at yes, 40 the chance.
So many fade but I’m still here…
There’s something too about having an artist who you have grown up with, as much as she’s a few years younger than me…I’ve had Taylor through it all. The nostalgia of ‘Speak Now’ or ‘Red’. Or the fact folklore and evermore because the soundtrack to the pandemic and every piece of writing I did then. To the fact I am a Rep girly through and through (‘there will be no explanation only reputation is frankly a life philosophy to live by, and yes I will be feral the day TV is finally announced). To the fact now, as ‘grown up’s maybe we’re living through ‘endgame’ romance with Tay, and a new ‘era’ of an artist who has grown up with us.
Make the friendship bracelets…
But it’s also the fellow Swifties. The ones I listen to clowning their hearts out on the internet. To the fact that my hockey community is also FULL of Swifties (campaign to get some Taylor on the game night playlist please) brings me such JOY. But also that a year ago I booked tickets with three of the best women I know (and one token fiancee). These women I’ve known for either the best part of 20 years in one case (yes we’re that old) to others who have been part of my life for a decade…none of us live in the same place, but we get to come together and dance and sing and scream for Taylor. And a few weeks later, I get to do it all again with one of my best people, where we are both guaranteed to cry significantly…but love every minute of it.
And that’s it, as much as for the music that has been a companion to over a third of my life now…it’s a love of the music, the artist and the chance to share something special with people who are as special as Taylor is. I’m glad I waited for Taylor to be in my music fangirl era.
Just for fun, before we go…let’s have some ‘Surprise songs’ dream scenarios…
I know everyone is obsessed with the idea of Hayley singing Castles Crumbling, but this nerd’s dream is Aaron Dessner rocking up. The National are on tour in Europe and a girl can dream….
From TTPD:
Cassandra. This is my number 1, the first song I loved on that album.
Clara Bow (I wanna scream ‘you look like Taylor Swift’ at her.
TTPD (in Cardiff for the Dylan Thomas reference)
The Albatros
Others…
TimMcGraw. I know I won’t get it but a girl can dream.
Begin Again.
Coney Island
Holy Ground
Dear John
Mr Perfectly Fine
Timeless
this is me trying
long story short
I feel such joy for you finally getting to see her live ❤️