You Don't have to see everything...you don't have to love everything
Thoughts on theatre-social media mentality.
It’s ok not to see all the theatre. It’s ok not to love all the theatre.
I’m not sure why these are slightly controversial takes, but here we are.
It’s something I’ve seen more and more of lately, the idea that if you’re not going to ALL THE THINGS then you’re not a ‘theatre person’ and equally, if you dare to express a dissenting opinion on whatever the current favourite social media/in crowd show is…then you’re wrong.
First things first: I’m old and grumpy. But also I’ve seen a lot of theatre. Not in an ‘it’s a flex’ way as the kids would say, but the simple maths. I’ve been seeing theatre for 20 years (since I was 18) in a serious way. I’ve spent probably half that time as a theatre critic as well. And while I may not be a fancy-pants London critic (we’ll be coming back to that), I have seen a lot of theatre. The good, the bad, and the ‘please god, get me out of here’.
I’ve scrambled for tickets online and camped out in dayseat queues. I’ve cried over getting tickets, I’ve cried over not getting them. I’ve seen the season's ‘biggest hyped’ show many times. I’ve been around is what I’m saying. But I’m also saying is…that doesn’t make me a bigger or better theatre fan. And I say that to say; I’ve been there, done that, I’ve bought (and recycled) the t-shirts. And While I’m not here to tell anyone how to live their lives, I’m also here to say some of us have been here a while, and some balance is important. And that some of us have been here a while, and just because our lives have moved on from all the theatre all the time doesn’t mean we aren’t part of the community.
And I get it. Particularly for younger theatre fans. I went through stages, particularly in my early 20s where seeing the shows, all the shows, or the big show, the important show was everything. I spent time and money and long late-night journeys on a coach to do it. Later I also did the theatre critic ‘have to say yes to everything’ thing. Just before we shut down in 2020 I was seeing a show every night for a week and doing a packed weekend in London. And that was years after I thought I’d scaled back. And then I stopped and asked myself why I was doing this. What did it achieve to see all the things all the time? What was I gaining by seeing utterly everything even if I didn’t really want to?
The answer was…nothing. I wasn’t a bigger theatre fan. Nobody really cared how much I saw (partly again because I’m not a Londoner…again, we’ll come back to that). I didn’t even care about some of the stuff. Meanwhile, I certainly wasn’t a better theatre critic or consumer of theatre. When it becomes ‘because I should,’ it’s a reason you shouldn’t.
When we came back to the theatre after 2020 (and 2021), I understand a certain level of ‘omg finally’ and gorging ourselves on the buffet of theatre. It was interesting watching that from Wales, where we were locked down/prevented from holding performances longer, because we didn’t have that option. By the time it came around, things felt a little more chilled. And honestly, I get that frantic feeling of making up for lost time for a few months, a year even. But I look around at the younger generation of theatergoers, and it hasn’t slowed…it’s got worse. And in the words of our mother, Taylor Swift: You need to calm down.
There’s a certain mentality that if you’re not seeing shows multiple times a week you’re not a ‘real theatre person’. First of all my friends, some of us are old and tired and need to be in bed before 10pm. Secondly and hold on to a controversial opinion: there’s more to life than theatre. Maybe just maybe, having other interests is healthy. Join a choir, a cooking class, take up a sport, go to the gym, go out with (non stagey) friends…something anything that isn’t just theatre. Because taking it from someone on the other side… isn’t healthy.
The thing I realised when we stopped in 2020 was…I had let my life be consumed by theatre. It was a career I was trying to have, a creative pursuit, and my main hobby and it was…too much and not enough all at once. And what happened was instead of coming back needing to see all the things…I didn’t want to see any of the things.
Now three years on, I’ve got a balance back. I enjoy seeing theatre, I’m back to enjoying trips to London (when there aren’t train and tube strikes), and I started reviewing again. But I also have other things. This week I had a disaster of a trip to London (again thanks to Tories and tube strikes) and you know what I thought ‘Should have gone to Belfast for the hockey instead’ (my team is playing there this weekend). That I know is sacrilege to theate people, who think there is nothing but theatre. But real talk? Because of the transport nightmare, and despite enjoying the shows…yeah, I would have had a better time in Belfast. Even without it, I’d enjoy a weekend of hockey as much as theatre. Similarly, I used to base my entire holiday around theatre: New York, every year for over a decade. Cramming in nine shows in a week (eleven was a record). And I love it, and I love New York with all my heart. But last year…I chose to go to Montreal. I had a holiday without theatre for the first time in fifteen years…and it was great. I didn’t lose anything by not making theatre all that I do. I gained things. This year I’m going to Toronto, where I will probably see one show or at least, maybe two. But I’ll also go to hockey games. And it’s ok to do both. To enjoy both (not just hockey but whatever else floats your boat, be it Disneyland, Dungeons and Dragons, Marathon running, or birdwatching). Somewhere in life, there’s a mentality that to be ‘theatre people’ it has to be everything you do and all there is and that’s just not…sustainable.
And my warning to those doing it full pelt because they feel they have to: theatre won’t love you back. No matter how much you throw yourself at it, try and prove you love it the most; like any industry, any job, it’ll spit you out and not look back. If you make one thing your whole life, you’ll one day end up with a whole lot of emptiness. But also ask yourself why? Why do I need to see so much? Who really cares if I’m at the theatre every night? Why do I feel I have to be? Is it because I enjoy it or because I feel like I should? What are you gaining from it? And as long as you love it, it’s fine. But it’s a fine line to tip from love to all-consuming to ‘what have I done with my life?’ But you can love something and find balance.
But also, there’s a certain amount of privilege and, yes, snobbery at play too. The people out there perpetuating the ‘you must see all the things’ mentality have a couple of things in their favour: disposable income and proximity to London. On the former I say go at it, I’m a big supporter of spending all your money on things you love, and better it is theatre than well drugs right? But seriously if folks have the means, you spend it. No judgement there, but an acknowledgment of the privilege which also ties into the next one: proximity to London. Us regional folks have a lot of theatre actually, but most of it doesn’t ‘count’ to London folks. But in terms of seeing all the London things, there is a lot more £ and a lot more time involved. Firstly we can’t just see a show last minute after work. We have to plan, so discounts or even industry freebies aren’t an option. Secondly, we have to travel. A ‘cheap’ return to London currently will cost me at least £65 it’s usually around £90. Plus tube while I’m there, plus a day’s food and drink. Plus staying over, which currently for a bog-standard Premier Inn is £100 if you’re lucky, closer to £150 at weekends. I’m too old for a coach and sleeping on people’s sofas. I’ve done my time doing that, and I won’t do it now. I have a certain amount of financial ability to do this, but it has to be measured. I can’t pop down for every ‘must see’ show. I miss out on a lot of fringe shows which are short runs, often in more obscure places and it’s not that I don’t want to support friends but a £15 fringe show ends up costing me £200 to see, and I just can’t justify it. Or to see a West End show with West End Prices eyewatering numbers I can’t even think about.
But the elephant in the room is us regional folks too are seeing loads of theatre at home. Admittedly I still see less than I used to because I’m still protecting my time and sanity and maintaining some balance. But I could see 2-3 shows a week easily here some weeks. Big shows and smaller ones. And regional shows still count. It doesn’t only count as theatre if it’s in London, and sadly that’s something that continues despite everything we’ve been through as an industry.
The flip side is the idea that we all have to love the same things. Another lesson from two decades of theatre:
Some shows are just fine.
Some shows are awful (and not just the ones everyone is making fun of)
Some shows are not for you.
Some shows you will never ‘get’
Some shows you grow out of.
Some shows you grow into.
There’s a weird mentality, too: going against the grain of whatever the popular show is makes you wrong. And this neglects the key element that art is subjective. Even the worst show ever written will be someone’s favourite and if it brings them joy, then good for them. But also, just because everyone is saying something is brilliant doesn’t mean it is…sometimes it’s also ok for a show to be fine.
Something weird tends to happen, linked to the ‘must see everything mentality and that is the ‘this show must change my life’ mentality. When something gets popular, or people ‘discover’ it is good, there’s a snowball effect of ‘this must be a thing you love or you don’t love theatre.’ and that’s…ridiculous. Because we can’t all love the same things. It’s like when everyone was obsessed with Game of Thrones, but not everyone liked fantasy and beheadings and boobs, so why would everyone love it?
What gets twisted (helped by social media) is that saying ‘this show isn’t my all-time favourite’ isn’t the same as saying ‘this show is bad.’ Or saying ‘this show isn’t my thing’ isn’t the same as saying ‘you should hate it.’ Unless a show is actively offensive or categorically bad (looking at you Andrew….), there’s no reason other people can’t love it but no reason anyone should. To keep to TV examples so as not to look like I’m calling out any shows here, it’s like The Last of Us, I don’t doubt that it is as excellent as everyone says, but also I know apocalyptic dramas are not my thing therefore, I choose to stay away. Or it’s like my finally watching Better Call Saul and realising it was not my thing. The show might be ‘genius’ and people’s all time favourite, but I hated it. And that’s ok; that doesn’t take away from others’ love of it.
But it also goes beyond that, to a dangerous road of ‘you can’t be critical of the theatre you see’ whether that’s in an official capacity or a more casual one. A well-respected (and often on the side of the theatre masses) critic got dragged recently for offering the perspective that a show was…not well written. The critic wrote a reasonable review highlighting the good points but also reasonably pointed out the show’s flaws…aka did their job. And several people took offence because it’s become a popular show on theatre social media. The critic was doing their job, and their job is to offer reasoned critical judgment. That the show has flopped once in New York and objectively is badly written as well must play into this. But even if I didn’t think the critic was correct in this instance, as long as critics aren’t making personal remarks about anyone involved, their (our) job is to offer an analysis of the shows, not to influencer style hype them up.
But it goes beyond that, too on a personal level. You can’t find a show ‘fine’ if the theatre in the crowd has decided it’s the current darling. And spoiler alert after 20 years of theatre-going, it takes something special to really change my life. I’ve got a list of maybe five musicals and plays that did that in that time. There’s a really, really long list of things that are ‘really fucking good actually’ but who don’t crack that list. I saw one such show this week. It’s a show I will for years to come go, ‘oh that was really fucking good wasn’t it?’ but it won’t crack my special top five. That doesn’t mean other people are wrong to have it in their top five…but I’m not wrong that it’s not. Similarly, I could find flaws with that show, it’s not perfect, and few things are. Heck, shows in my super special top fives have flaws, and I acknowledge them. The troubling mentality lately is it’s not ok to find something ‘fine’ or to love it and say ‘but also…’ because what in life or art is perfect? Nothing. And it’s personal.
So should our enjoyment of it be. I’m in a stage now where less is more. Less makes me a better theatre writer- I’d rather write two good articles a month than churning out fifteen mediocre reviews that don’t scratch the surface. I’d rather see three shows a month that I’ve chosen and I’ll enjoy than 12 I feel I should. I’d rather balance my time at the theatre with hobbies and sport and music and, heck, sitting on my sofa. Maybe all of this comes with age and fatigue. Yes it also comes with a certain amount of cynicism that knows seeing all the shows won’t magically get me a job running the National, or get my plays a big commission. Maybe it’s knowing that even if it did, protecting my peace and sanity and enjoying the theatre I consume rather than being in a rush to consume it all that will serve me better.
It’s also knowing that you don’t have to love everything. You’re not wrong, or stupid if you don’t love the next big thing. That too with age and less cynicism more security in my own tastes, that I can say ‘that’s not for me and that’s ok’ and to say ‘I’m glad you love it’ but not feel like I’m wrong for not loving it. Let people enjoy things works both ways: let people not enjoy things too. And again as Taylor Swift says, calm down too.